That's what I call inspirational. It might not be super easy to do in any situation, but it certainly is inspirational.
Gloomy weather today, not worth talking about it !
Let's reflect February - Impossible - Day 2
Let's continue with my spiral down.
So we are August the 6th 2011 and I almost didn't close an eye during the night because I was in pain all night. My body is just sore everywhere and I can't move. Luckily Dennis is still on holidays so he is at home with me. The poor thing didn't sleep much either.
This where I am going to spend the next 3 months.
I hardly can get up by myself, I hardly can use my right hand and my left side is all hurt, so I can't do anything, even getting dressed. Everybody tells me " WOW, ideal time to do crafting ". Well if only I could . . .
I can't concentrate on anything I read either so I spend my days watching TV. I basically feel useless, what has a very bad influence on my mood. When Dennis eventually has to start traveling again, I have to call a dog sitter to take care of the girls as I can't go out of the house, but excepted her, I don't want to see anybody. I have nightmares every night, I see myself falling again and again. I hear myself screaming as soon as I close my eyes.
I can't concentrate on anything I read either so I spend my days watching TV. I basically feel useless, what has a very bad influence on my mood. When Dennis eventually has to start traveling again, I have to call a dog sitter to take care of the girls as I can't go out of the house, but excepted her, I don't want to see anybody. I have nightmares every night, I see myself falling again and again. I hear myself screaming as soon as I close my eyes.
End of August marks the death of one of my favorite uncles, tough time. Beginning of September, my parents are coming and Dennis has to pick them up alone from Gatwick, same thing when they leave. I do my best as long as they are here, I even walk 2 steps outside the house. During their stay, I hear that the brain operation of Isi, this little girl I grew so fond of, didn't work and she has passed away at not quite 7. Another blow in the face.
5 weeks on, I am still on a lot of pain killers as my ribs are killing me. I start having hallucinations and I hear voices. I think I am getting crazy and and I spend my days crying. I start talking to Dennis and I can see he is worried a lot. I regret not having gone to the hospital as I think may be I hurt my head, that's why I am getting mad. Then one day I realize that I am taking the wrong dosage of medicine. I have so many that I mixed them up. I cut the paracetamol by 4 and multiplied the codeine by 4. Overdosing on Codeine is a very bad idea. Dennis brings me to our GP who is pretty mad at me for not paying more attention to what I do but she promises that hallucinations will stop within a couple of weeks and they eventually do. It's a bit of comfort to know I am not getting mad after all.
Beginning of November, I am almost physically repaired, but emotionally nothing goes anymore. I am scared, I don't trust anybody, I don't trust myself, I am very angry . I've always been very strong and I have turned into a weak and scared person, what I can't accept. I talk a lot to Dennis who supports me the best he can, but after a while he tells me it's well above what he can help with.
My GP advises me to talk to a professional and that's when I get diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I always thought that it was only something for soldiers in Vietnam, it appears that being convinced you are going to die is enough.
My GP advises me to talk to a professional and that's when I get diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I always thought that it was only something for soldiers in Vietnam, it appears that being convinced you are going to die is enough.
For a little while I am really happy to have put a name on what I have but then I go down again when I hear there is a 6 weeks waiting time to see somebody. What am I going to do for 6 weeks ? If I could drive, I would go away and hide in a hole.
'til tomorrow, take care everybody, xxx
8 comments:
Poor you I def have a panic with any stairs but did not suffer Post....disorder. Will await the next installment tomorrow?
May have to find my gory photos of the fall which split open my shin and the other fall where I broke 9 little bones in my fooT
Stairs and I have an uneasy relationship !!!
What a story! I am sure one thinks that it is nearly impossible to recover when you suffer such bad consequences of a fall. As always I'm looking forward to your next post.
Oh my goodness Anne, that is quite a story. It must have been awful to be so helpless and in such pain after being so busy beforehand. And it is hard for anyone to understand or know how it may affect them .. the days must have seemed endless x
Oh dear, it's just as well we know that this story gets better because it is so sad. Six weeks is a long time to wait, the NHS does not put enough resources into mental wellbeing and it's just as important as physical wellbeing.
Gawd Anne, this has just freaked me out knowing how far someone can be affected when they are so genuinely a positive person. I am so glad that we know there is a happy end to this story. (((hugs))) xxx
Blimey didn't realise a fall could bring that on. x
I found the blog "365 +1" through the blog of Hazel.
But my decision to attend there came after I saw your blog, Anne.
I said - What a lucky woman! / I saw your pictures of the birthday /
Happy woman! What a positive charge!
Now I understand what difficulties you had. And I respect you more.
Congratulations!
Be happy, Anne!
Wow Anne! You really did have a difficult time of it. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I know this has applied me more than once and I can see it has applied to you as well. Waiting for more of the story. You have me on pins and needles...
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